who is better off than dead

this is nothing sane
this is a wild melting of the heart
disappearing into fizz

lemon powder
joy.
joy
be kidding.
you kidding me

who you

wonderlust whore

share. share. be there.

and be gone.

you are cruel
and unkind

and i am ruthless
just in time
to make you
you
and
i am happy
to be this miserable

or is this just my shadow

or does this make any sense

but there is this thing
riding inside me
that wants to shoot out
and kill the world dead
in one breath

so what do i do with that?

what do i do with
this thing
bursting
bursting inside me

a strange colored banana clogs my brain

and the shadow of death
again and again

and moments
that are ripe
with snow
and ice
and picket fences
and lines
and arches
and beaten eggs
and beaten memories

and no more waiting
and no more wishing
no more waiting for you here
on my roof
up against the sky
pressed
and suppressed
and repressed
and repressed
and suffocated
this sky
that does not levitate
don't go
don't go

but you have gone
and there are magic wands
waving around recklessly
and i cry
and i sound
like i am
moving
inside the ground
and i see
but it's me
and there's nothing holy
inside the body

and there is a dream
and in the dream
i am silent
and i am broken
and i wake up

where i am silent
and i am broken

and all the cello tape in the world
does not help
to put together
and heal
and there is a joy
in the memory
of having lived before this lifetime

and all the accumulation of all the suffering from the beginning of age
cannot be discarded
so there it is
here it is

where will it possibly go

and lou reed
shooting heroin inside his skin

while i am mean
and ripe
with vengeance

i am clean
and i am a compromise

i am the destiny
of the destroyer

i am your body's gloom
thick and misty

i am a kiss
on the bird's back
as i climb
onto the top

and i hurl at you
stones and sticks
and picket fences
and stars
and snow
and hearts in shards
and a hero's welcome

your stardust is dusty contaminated bruise scattered senseless.

now go.

kill screeching melody scream
kill heaven glory four times over.

kill. kill.
soft voices against shrill sounds.