leave

i hate you

anonymous reader

i hate that i have to speak to you

with a voice

full of deliberation

with words

full of meaning

i hate that i have to put you first

in order to see myself

i hate that i have to be something

before you

in order to be myself

i hate that

you have to be there for me to make sense

of myself

you critic 

a sleeze

you judge

and sit in your comfortable world

created out of judgements

that need to be made

as my insecurities create your comfort

you, too, must know that it will not last.

you that reads

and understands

and shoves meaning into my words

that attempt to define no truth

you anonymous reader

you are forever gone

watch yourself diminish

as my words expand

into a silence that you will never comprehend

as they contract

into an absence that you intend

to dismiss

it is not for you i write

if you come again

you will derive no strength

no self esteem

your ego is the gunk that rots at the bottom of a pile

of self made lies

your ego is yours

without beauty

you speak

without love

you think

and pollute this universe without care.

you are one daring creature

but you dare

to do all the things

that make you unreal

and i am your queen

but i am your loser

motherfuckingfailurefiascoshunnedmarredjustnotenoughbutalwaystheballinthemiddleoftheroomthatdoesntrollandhowcometheshadowisyourhippieandiamyourcarnivalbutlifeissomethingthatdoesntmoveevenwhenitgoesonandwhatdoesitmeanwhenyoumeanandyoumeanandyoufuckingmeanallthetimeandiwonderwhyidontsmileanymoreandwhetherthathasanythingtodowithyouandhowyoudontlivemylieyouwhoreoftheuniversethatrepellsthesmoothlimitlesscategoriesofsunshinethatdishevellmybrainmylordiamyourfuckinglordfuckingtryandseewhatyouseewhatdoyouseeyoucrazymotherfuckerthatpretendstobeblindonlytobesafehidingfromyourselfevenwhenyouarenotfearfulandalwayscrappinginmybackyardasifprivatepropertywereathingofthepastfuturefuckfacewhatthewalkwelliamnotyourlieamiyourtruthbutmaybesomedayweshallalllivetoseethestarssmileinthedarkwhennobodyisreallywatching