and now, just putting out contrived stuff out there feels a bit odd.

hoina? always trying to be a somebody trying to be a somebody trying to be a somebody trying to be...

also, my hair smells like food. i had better do something about that. feel so nice to let myself be, isn't it? to write the way i used to once upon a time when i used to write in my notebooks. when there was so much writing happening, but writing didn't even mean anything. it wasn't even writing.

and now there's so much of conscious effort going into carving and chiseling and trying to perfect an art and trying to convey meaning. and wow, i guess i haven't written this loosely in a while. felt this free, haven't, haven't.

weighing the weight of each word, idea. excluding unless they seem worthy. i dont know, there's something unclean about that. ki ke? khoi ke khoi ke.

tv herchhu ajkal. khoob. romantic comedies. newspapers pani padhchhu. nepali ma padhna khojirachhu. tv herera pani khushi nai chhu. watch romantic comedies, am gullible to believe in all of it. hindi serial ni herchhu. ramailo maani maani. khoob ramailo lagchha. keta le keti lai hereko, keti le keta lai hereko.

must be feeling lonely. but also feel unclean from the inside. what should i do about that? cleaning up the insides. top priority. ho ki hoina?

aba distances narakhne. aba je bhitra chha tyei nikalne. hola ni. don't know what i'm saying.