if i were to say something about blue

blue is everywhere
but
like a mirage
the closer i get to it
the less it exists

by the time i reach out to touch
it's gone.

blue is my intimacy with absence

it is the colour of tired distances
of fading separations
of unrequited loves repeating on endless loops

blue is where things
are left half unsaid
where a lifetime of seeking
seeking leads to not finding

in blue, i know
but i know not how i know
or why i know
or what i know
or even that i know

a dull thud
emanating from a wise heart
always indicating possibilities
without ever uttering a word

blue.

sometimes
we resist
to survive

and sometimes

we acquiesce.

dearest,

to heal

is to
hurt.

your own wisdom will

unfurl

when you are ready for it.

notes to myself

dearest,

don't discriminate

between discomfort and
ease.

tarnish the golden rule

Back to being favourite #1.


Cohen.

So. What is the starting point?




For now, this. Let us not be afraid of fear.

irreconcilable differences

dearest,

my life
is
a
measured

prolonged

chronic

longing


to reconcile with you.


your way
is to

defer
and
deflate.

your desire spells notenoughs every which way.


my arms are open, still

but
like two mirages
we never seem to meet.


only distances
keep us pulsating and alive.

epiphany that revisits

dearest,

love is that delicate act of balancing

holding on

and

letting go.

epiphany: # vagabond moonlight

Never

l
     o

           ~

        e

sight of the playfulness.